magic shop

There it stands, in amongst Broomstix and Junk Shop. It’s an old building, bricks and wood chipping off, but yet so intricate and young. The sign hangs from the top, and it gleams and glows bright red. It stands out from the rest of the worn down, scraggly looking shops signs around it. The lit up words, ‘Growls and Howls’ are exactly what sounds call out from within. Foreign noises which I do not recognise; strange wails, odd calls, alien gobbles which sound as though someone is drowning.

The giant red doors stand powerfully, almost reaching out tot he heavens. The two handles seem to be drawing me closer, closer. Nervously, I reach for them, and the cool sensation of the brass handle sends a shiver down me. My hands close around the knob in an embrace I take one last deep breath of the swampy Diagon Alley air, filling my lungs to the brim. I exhale and push the doors open. I force everything into my palms as the doors creak, complaining in refusal. All of a sudden the doors release their grip on each other and fly open, throwing me in.

I rub my elbow as I rise up from the stores ground. A gasp escapes my lips as I look up and see an old lady staring down on me, her name-tag reading ‘Luna’. She’s short and frail, but her smile looks as though it could light up the night. My nose twitches as I inhale air from the dusty floor. Luna call out to me from the other side of the shop, raising my eyes to her and the remainder of the shop. Abandoned boxes add to the dull, dingy look, making it seem so far from new. Bare cages litter the floor, and the ceiling nests thousands of spider. The plain brown walls are empty and boring, and the shelves that sit in uniform lines are just the same. I glance at Luna, who is staring into one of many cages, and like the others, it’s as empty as the alley outside, not a soul in sight. My eyes go from her to the cage and back, trying to figure out what she is fixated on, and then it starts.

Light flies out all the ’empty’ cages, temporarily blinding me. Squinting, I open my eyes. A shiver falls down my spine like rain out of storm clouds. My eyes are wide and my mouth has dropped open. What stands in front of me are hundreds of animals standing in their cages that were just empty. They pat at the doors, calling me to open them and allow them to be free. Camels the size of a mouse, koalas who’s fur glowed vibrant orange, rabbits with human feet and small dogs with fangs that belong on a sabre tooth tiger. From the crowded shelves to the the corner of the store, every part is filled with the most exotic creatures. The walls that were just dull and boring, now a pale, sparkling yellow, shimmering with the light. My eyes drop down to the floor, and like a dog to a bone, I’m mesmerised. Moving to and fro, a deep blue rocks the whole store, reminding me of photos I’ve seen of the ocean.

Luna has her mouth zipped shut, watching me like the round hawk that sits by the door. I tiptoe through the building, admiring all her creatures. My body shakes in fright as the strike of the clock outside reminds me that the time has carried . Luna’s eyes sparkle as I wrap my arms around her in a tender embrace. Once again, the door wails as my body finds its way back to it and out into the muggy Diagon Alley air. The noises have now stopped and the lights flick out, leaving it in darkness. My eyes feast on the building one last time, then never see it again as I take myself far away from ‘Growls and Howls’.

2 Comments

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Hi Emily,

Here is some feedback.

Some of the phrasing you are using doesn’t connect well. Read your work out loud so you can hear if the words you are using fit your intention.
Whenever you start writing about a new idea, you need to start a new paragraph.
Focus on the description of the shop. At the moment you have focused on developing your character more than you have the store. Think about the 5 senses and how that will effect the shop.

Good work.

Mr Johnson

Hi Emily,

In addition to the previous feedback,

There is some questions that your store brings up that it doesn’t answer. If the animals are illegal, why does the shop owner reveal them to your character?
Apply some more detail to what the store looks like, both before and after.
Avoid using empty adjectives.

Mr Johnson

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